So am here
Not a hunting soul anymore . With each day that passes the image of you dies away. With every breath I suck on deep i forget you pressing who. With every thought of you I get stronger. With every text I have to reply to , I have the gat to respond more humanly…. less emotional ….less stingy.
My last thought last night was not of you …it was of a phenomenal Woman am supposed to be . Whose face you might not want to see now but you one night could barely set your eyes off. Whose body lay next to you sometimes but now you recall not .
My first thought today wasn’t of you either, it was of the my future …..a future I hold dearly (I never thought you would make it their either ).
But am still here writting about you, a You I don’t hate anymore, a You that bothers me not ,a You that am glad has nothing to with me.
She can not remember who she was .You would think it’s been long, no! Just a month of unexpected events. Some exciting,others hurtful most regrettable. When she thinks about it, there’s only one simple fact coming through “sometimes we not as strong as we think we are “.
She wasn’t prepared this time…. not planned like she always “rolls” . It was out of no where. ……a wave so strong,she almost got swayed away, or maybe she did. She came faced with the devil himself . Like we’ve all heard, his as “gilterly” as nothing she has seen before . Or maybe she has seen this shine … only she’s not prepared today. She’s aware his the devil , sharp nails ,strong breath , cunning as hell lets him be. All the good angels around try to pull her away from his gaze but she’s seen nothing this shinny before …. Nothing , nothing this exciting. She’s quickly engulfed in his wings . Wings so strong ….comfortable, warm ,darker than her soul. But still she sees nothing but the devil’s shine .
She’s now here searching for excitement . Something to take her back. Back to the place where she was. The only problem is she can not remember, remember who she was a month ago!!
The devil plays his cards right and holds her tight in his net. ….Nothing new she hasn’t seen. She hasn’t lost her soul but she’s lost her mind. Her mind thinks if only this being ,a being that has stolen her “head game” ….has stolen her life because she cannot think with out his horns piercing through , she cannot breath ,she can barely be her. She’s trapped but the angels can help her no more. She’s breaking ,,,,, there’s only one truth,only a saviour can kill this devil.
Only a sAviour!!
Can bring back her life from the stunning devil, bring excitement, restore a broken “head game ” it would probably be easier if it was her heart!!
No one knows how hard you fighting,as a matter of fact no one really cares.
You just need to do what you have to do to survive. Make choices wrong and fix that stuff yourself. No matter how hard you try to please anyone, in the end its not up to them.
I didn’t want this from the very start.
I told you I couldn’t do it
But you let me feel it was right, I leaped in this burning sulphur. I feel this love burning hot, sadly it dies out sometimes.
This was a promise to care, a promise to be my comfort, not a promise to love. Yess, I agreed,I didn’t think my heart would melt. Melt at your love, your touch, your care, your everyday presence.
Where did I go wrong , how did I get here. Depending on this promise. A promise without ground, a love with no roots. How could I talk myself in to this.
You was clear, I recall, every word sharper than my gaze. Her presence made known to me. Still I longed for what wasn’t mine.
I hold him close still, I hold on to the hope he will return my heart to me.
Is it love or just a fantasy, a soon dying lust.. … .
Do not blame me, am just coming to terms with a few but complicated changes I have made in this my ‘I barely can keep up life’ Continue reading “Everything is beautiful in it’s time,,,,,”
okay, this is my first blog. Where i come from blogging is maybe the least common things but like you can see i finally took the step and well,I am not walking away.
Continue reading “This is me”